I can often see in the eyes of my clients, when I say their whole life is only made up of beliefs and it can be changed, that they do not believe me. Everything about the life you live is a belief.
What is a belief?
A belief is a story you tell yourself, about yourself, and how you would like to experience this life.
How did you decide on the belief?
Some beliefs are positive, and other are negative. Negative does not mean that they are wrong, it only means that they are limiting. Limiting your true potential. We formulate our beliefs individual to us – in the same situation, someone else made a different decision. This choice of decision happens because as we are going into the event, we already have our own set of beliefs. Some formed and taken on from our parents, school, church, government, culture, etc. And based on the beliefs we already hold; we form new beliefs in the future.
A belief is a decision you make regarding an experience and then you live that decision. This creates your personal “Map of the World”.
Some experiences are pleasurable and loving, leaving us with beautiful memories and warm, fuzzy feelings which will result in a positive belief. And then some events are not any of the above, which will result in negative beliefs. Some of our beliefs we might start as little as 2 or 3 years old. I have had clients where we could trace their stress eating back to a 6 month old infant, some clients have had resistance in business because of beliefs they have been running since they were 2 years old.
Why would we create limiting beliefs?
We must always remember; we are only doing the best we can in that moment. You will not intentionally do harm to yourself. Accept that. However, our ego will want to “protect” us at all costs, and therefore we form negative and limiting beliefs, because we believe they will protect us.
Just as the 2-year-old, the 20 year old and 35 year old also make decisions based on what plays out in that moment. We forget we might have had a headache and were trying to get home as quickly as possible. We forget that we had just received some upsetting news and were very vulnerable. Perhaps we might not have had the necessary skills to deal with the situation. We forget the circumstances surrounding us the moment we made the belief.
For this reason, there is no blame on you for the choice you made in setting a limiting belief. Also, accept that you can change it – this is your responsibility. You are not a victim of your past. It is a story and the narrative surrounding it can be changed. You hold all the opportunity to put yourself on a path to success and a life that feels free.
How does the belief manifest in your day-to-day life?
I don’t know if you are reading this on a PC or mobile, however as you are reading along you will undoubtedly scroll further down. Is that action automatic or are you consciously thinking of moving your finger, which muscles to use etc.? No, you unconsciously give the command and it is performed.
The same happens with our beliefs. The only difference is that they were “programmed” by us into our belief system and is not a “natural/biological” occurrence. Thank you very much that we need not think which muscle to move to run from the lion, to pull our finger out the way when holding a nail to hit with a hammer. We would be so accident prone; we would not be able to enjoy life. Why, because invariably we are not in the present moment – we are thinking about other things.
Our beliefs are set up to protect us and to guide us to what we like. I am going to name a few beliefs that some of us have never questioned, but we follow them all the same:
· You should not wear something pink with something red.
· Sweets are for after meals.
· I can only start my day after my first cup of coffee.
· A hamburger patty must be on a bread bun.
· People with fancy, shiny cars are rich.
· People with holes in their shirts/blouses are poor. (Oops, not so true these days LOL)
Before you had any of these beliefs, what would you have done? How would you have reacted to a burger that is a meat patty on a lettuce leaf? We can reason why these beliefs are valid, but why should they be exclusively so?
The thing is these beliefs run our lives without us ever giving a second thought to it. The same goes for limiting beliefs.
Example: In Grade 2 you had a teacher who gave you hell every time she had her red dress on. Eventually you came to dread the days she would arrive at school in her red dress.
The first time around the teacher might have had a headache, it might have been a very hot day, she might have received some distressing news, etc. The class might have been rowdy because it was a Friday, and everyone was ready for the birthday party. Unluckily you got singled out – not fair, but it happened (you might also have been the more likely one to be the ring leader). So, the next time she wears her red dress, you unknowingly are careful. Unfortunately, this leads to you being clumsy and you mess paint all over the table. Sad state of events. And so it continues for the rest of the year and you set a very firm belief: I am always in trouble when Miss Teacher wears a red dress.
Now, skip 30 or 40 years forward. You are calmly sitting in a coffee shop with your best friend. Having a lovely chat about the weekend away you just had. Suddenly you become aware that you feel uncomfortable, maybe nervous. A little unsettled. What you did not consciously notice was that a woman had just walked past in a red dress. The belief is still running in the background.
Now what if you have a colleague and every now and then you have an argument at work. Is she perhaps wearing a red dress on those days?
Once we make a decision, habit will lead to a belief being formulated and instilled. Just like the 2nd Grader we play a role in the whole scenario. The pupil became nervous around the teacher when she wore her red dress. The teacher might not have been in control of her emotions and allowed it to spill over to the children in her class. No one in particular is to blame, no one is outright right. It is just what it is.
The unfortunate reality is that you now carry this belief and it will impact your life until you decide to delete it. Yes, some might become insignificant as time goes on, however some might become stronger as time goes on. This will only depend on other factors at hand in the moment as well as what other beliefs have been formulated around the “master” belief.
How do I change it?
1. Accept that the belief is active in your belief system. You cannot change what you do not own. If you deny it, there is resistance, and this will lead to the belief setting even stronger, because you are fighting it with the same emotion.
2. There is no blame – it is what it is. Remember as a toddler you had a limited skills set. Do you want to be angry at the toddler now as a grown adult? Really? Blaming the younger you are not going to get you any nearer to release the belief. If you want to be big and strong, the take responsibility and claim the belief so you may change it.
3. Stop feeding the emotion behind the belief. Our beliefs are all attached to an emotion. Once the emotion is triggered, the subconscious will search for the corresponding belief. This will affect your behaviour (just as little you in the 2nd Grade with the teacher in the red dress). What we must understand is that once the belief kicks in, we will have avoidance behaviour, or we will embrace the situation. Either way, we will act in a way to make that belief real for us.
4. Become conscious of your in the moment decisions and ask ‘why’? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I behaving this way? I have often laughed at myself once I realised this is a very outdated belief that is wanting to cry king here. Let go of it. Thank you, you no longer serve me.
5. Some beliefs are easy to let go, some are hard. The small beliefs are quite easy to let go of, as I say I have often laughed at myself. The harder ones, the ones that say:
· I am not good enough.
· I am not worthy.
· I am not deserving.
· I will never win.
· I must work hard to achieve my success.
· I must always stand back.
These are huge beliefs, and they are not so easy to let go. Be kind to yourself. Find someone who will help you with releasing these beliefs. Why do you want to carry so heavy on something you made as a 2 year old, a 12 year old, or even a 25 year old. If it is not serving you, let it go.
It is important to realise that we are perfect. You are beautiful with all your quirks. I love that you are uniquely you, because then I can be uniquely me. It is only through our limiting beliefs that we limit our future. Beliefs can be let go of; it is like spring cleaning. You will really feel lighter, more positive, and more focused. Try it.
Give me a call and come for a chat. Your first half hour session is free. If you are committed to yourself then I believe that you will create the future, you desire.
Transformation Life Coach
Qualified Energy Codes® Facilitator
Qualified BEST® Practitioner
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