Do you use phrases like, Better the Devil you know? It will never work? I do not deserve it? I cannot possibly do that? I am happy in my own little space? What if I fail?
Over the course of our life, we create and build limiting beliefs. We, unknowingly, search for events to re-enforce these beliefs. As crazy as it sounds, we sabotage ourselves on our path to success, by living these beliefs. These limiting beliefs are our fears. Fears are the story we tell ourselves every day, in every event.
I have had to face many such bridges in my life, where I had to choose the unknown to the familiar. And sometimes life threw me off the bridge into a deep black river. And I am not alone. I understand all too well the debilitating fear of change. What is more worrying, is the fact that sometimes the familiar is so detrimental to us, that we are caught in a life of destruction. And, we enable that behavior of destruction to ourselves. But we stay, because what we know is “safe”. We end up building a “little cocoon” where we live our daily life of routine. It is a place where we go numb to any emotion and eventually we become so cut off from reality and us living in it, that we live a zombie life. If I do not feel, then it does not affect me. But doesn’t it? Is it not fear that keeps you trapped in your cocoon?
Once you have lived like that for a few years, you no longer know how to show your love and happiness. Not even to the people around you. And believe me, a huge smile and a loud laugh, cannot fool the people you love and who love you, or any person you come into contact with. There is no emotion behind it. You can see it in the eyes of these people – the smile is only around the mouth, nothing around the eyes. Or in the eyes, they become lifeless.
Fear is not something you walk in at the supermarket and select off the shelf. I feel like a little fear of rejection today, and about 1kg of fear of acceptance and then add a packet of fear of failure. And I walk to the till and I pay. Yes, how much do you pay every day for your fears?
But there is no supermarket, is there? There is only your head, your voice, your fear.
I know, I understand, many of our fears come from childhood. Many of our fears we do not even know that we create. I understand all of that. But, because that is true, does it have to stay like that?
What is it that you fear about the change?
Your status in society? The approval of your peers or friends? Failure?
But what is failure? What is failure to me is heaven to you. What is chaos to the fly is normal to the spider. Ever heard that? Who can say you have failed? Only you. And what do you base that sense of failure on? How you will be judged by other?
Is it then really failure?
I want to put my reputation on the line and make a statement that all our fear of change, is rooted in our fear of judgement and approval of the larger society. We decide by the reaction of other people whether we have failed or not. But, if I have a beautiful home with all that shut and open, pristine and picture perfect, but I like messy and rustic, did I fail? If I have a job, that I get up for every day, that does not feed my passion, did I fail?
YES. I failed myself.
I have achieved everything society wants and expects of me. I strive to maintain a life that society expects of me. I live a life, pleasing society and I fail myself daily. Who’s version of “life” do I then live? Never tell me you do not have will power – you live in will power every single day that you live in fear of changing to be the true you. If only you will realise, that living a life true to yourself takes virtually no will power. It comes naturally. It is joy, it is freedom and it is liberating.
Will you allow yourself today, to go quiet and acknowledge your fear? Will you today, sit down and write down what makes you happy and gives you joy? Will you today, allow yourself to say out loud, I need change and I will no longer be fearful of the change? Will you allow yourself today, to answer the inner voice that is crying for you to be true to yourself and no longer answer the voice that calling from “outside” of you?
Change is a huge challenge. Change brings all kinds of lessons. The moment you accept that change is happening, there is an amazing calm. Often you will find that the change was not even a terrible as you conjured up.
For me, the changes I feared the most, often has brought the most beautiful realisations in my life. Often, they were the greatest blessings and I denied them for far too long.
Challenge yourself today and say yes to that change. There is no failure, there are only lessons.
Sue Leppan
Transformation Life Coach
NLP Practitioner
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