If you have a dog or dogs, you might have a good idea of what I am going to say now. On our regular morning walk, and we have about 3 routes that we vary, and I have watched my dogs as we get closer to the gates where there are perceived “unfriendly” dogs. That is perceived by my dogs. They are happy and enjoying their walk, and then as soon as we approach certain gates, they start picking up their ears and they are looking out for the “danger’.
Now, in fairness, both are rescue dogs, and who knows what all they have endured. The little one gets ready for attack, and the other one becomes unsure and is looking for protection. And often I can see that there is not a dog in sight, but believe me, as we get to the gate you either hear the dog(s) of the house barking inside the house or they come running from the back of the property. And of course, then there is some intense negotiation as to whose property it is and where they are allowed to walk.
And that made me think about us.
I really believe there is not a person on this earth who does not carry hurt, fear, or anger from their past. Even the most enlightened among us had to overcome those hurdles so they may move towards a place of perpetual peace and love. The average man on the street, you and I, who are working to make ends meet every month, while looking after our family, and never finding much time for ourselves, we are a bit slower in the growth process towards that most desired peace and love.
And as we move through life, we hear the limiting stories other people tell themselves, and when we do not find their “truth” show up in our life, we might even go so far as to take on their limiting stories. I had just such an opportunity not so long ago when a friend told me how unlucky her clients were with luggage “that took an extra long trip back home” and how damaged the luggage bags were. I had just returned from a trip where my luggage also took “an extended” holiday trip. So I had an opportunity to start worrying about my bags and envisioning the worst, or I could choose different. (I chose the different and it worked in my favour.)
What is clear is that along our path, we not only erect our own gates, but we are happy to take on the beliefs and disasters of others and erect even more gates – and we do the same as the dogs once a belief has been triggered.
We either attack or we retreat, having activated our fight-flight-freeze responses.
Now, imagine for a moment that the “dog of the property” is your belief, and as you approach the gate that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach is your emotion that puts you on high alert. Most people will do nearly anything to avoid the emotion. They are in such a state of overload as far as the emotion is concerned, that they cannot imagine dealing with what is awaiting behind the gate. Will it be another heartbreak, will it be disrespect of me, will it be abuse, or will it be disappointment?
Gates can be both positive and negative. However, we never notice the positive gates. Sadly, by design we tend more towards the negative as a matter of survival. We are so busy in our heads, that thankfully it was considered important for our survival to be triggered by “danger”. But that is all it is, a trigger to notice that you are in real danger, a life-threatening event. Or that you are perceiving danger, set by your limiting beliefs. Our “perceived” dangers are only indicators of where we are limiting ourselves, where we are not experiencing life at its fullest, and therefor where we need to work on our limitations towards our freedom.
When we choose to ignore the “gate” we will move along on our path, but tomorrow, next week, or next year, when we find that gate again, we will react in the same manner until we face our inner fear, acknowledge that it is our inner self-talk that is the limitation, and embrace the opportunity of growth.
When we do not face fear, acknowledge our role, and embrace the opportunity of growth, we will experience avoidance behaviour, we will limit our own grown and we will start an inner battle that will render us powerless, filled with stress and anxiety. We will find ourselves in a tug-of-war with ourselves and we will stagnate and experience procrastination and depression. And so every time we approach the “gate” we will “call” the limitation towards us through our behaviour. It never fails, it will show up for you just as you perceived it would.
With a lot of encouragement and praise I believe that one day the dogs will be able to walk down the path and forget that there were gates they feared. Fortunately as humans, we have the choice to identify real or imagined, and then to change the inner limitations.
Three steps to guide you towards a different choice:
1. Is this true for me? Is it true that I am not good enough or that things never work out for me? Well, as you are reading this, I am very sure that you are not a complete failure. For one you can read this, you have had many other achievements in your life, so first to generalize that you are not good enough, or that things never work out for you, is just not true. Perhaps this time around you need to gain a new skill and that skill might be self-belief or self-confidence. The point here is to not generalize, but to identify what the limitation is.
When there is an inner excitement that lights your eyes, sets of amazing thoughts, and gets your heart racing with love, it is always worth investigating. It is exactly these opportunities that bring the greatest lessons wrapped in something that we find exciting. Our talents are the gifts we received to help us towards personal growth as they will always require us to show up for ourselves. If it excites you, it is your “gate” and it is time to master your limiting beliefs. Your talent or passion will be a great motivator, use it.
2. Sit with the emotion. Even though we fear the outcome, the purpose of the emotion is to get your attention to “hear” the limiting stories that you tell yourself. When we learn to sit with an emotion, to quieten the mind from wanting to start avoidance tactics, we can hear the stories that we tell ourselves. We can hear how we generalize and how we see “lions behind the gate” instead of opportunities for personal growth. Sit for a moment with your thoughts and observe how “wild” they can be in resistance.
Consider for a moment that everything that happens, every challenge that shows up for you, is to your advantage. Imagine that there is a secret conspiring happening to bring you opportunities to become the wonderful and amazing human you are.
Focus on the emotion and hear how your mind races telling you to run. Then become quieter and hear the excuses telling you that you have something else to do or that you are not good enough or deserving. And eventually hear what is behind the fear, the anger, the hurt, or the sadness. There is nothing more important in this world than for you to learn the value of you, the power that is within you, and the wonder that you can express without.
3. Choose a better outcome. Oh, it is easier said than done, you might say. I would say stop resisting, give yourself the opportunity to make a different choice in how you will react in this situation. The second you consider a different outcome due to different actions, you are opening doors to a different way of thinking and reacting. Neuroplasticity has shown that our brains are very “eager’ and ready to change. We must only choose for that change to happen.
Our greatest downfall is that we are not consciously here in this moment. We are rather considering the many ways this could go wrong and all the hurt and fear that we carry from past experiences. The moment you can stop the internal chaos, you give yourself the opportunity to deal with the current situation - not the past or the perceived future.
Every moment, every situation, is but an opportunity for us to learn something about ourselves, to master our self-imposed limitations and to grow. We are here to discover our beautiful greatness.
It always remains your choice to call in the fears and limit yourself through your actions, or to project the future you desire and to grow through your resistance. Choose wisely, it will impact your future. You hold within you all that is needed for you to have the ultimate best and beautiful life that you are dreaming of.
Sue Leppan
Master Transformation Life Coach
NLP Practitioner
Qualified Energy Codes® Facilitator
Qualified BEST® Practitioner
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