Did you also think about setting new goals for the coming year, but gave up as you know it will never materialize? We place so much hope on the new year for things to change, but things can’t change until we change.
Imagine “fastening” a nail with a screwdriver?
Let us assume for a moment that you are not DIY savvy – at all. You know that the nail has to be “inside” the wall for you to be able to hang your picture. That is as far as your knowledge stretches. For a while you try, forcing the nail into the wall with the screwdriver, then you fall into frustration and anger because it is not working. You try again and again you fail – some more anger and frustration. Eventually you sit and glare at the nail in your hand and the screwdriver and you throw it down and decide this is just not working. By now you are telling yourself that you are useless, that you can do nothing by yourself, that you are a failure. And you start blaming the wall for being too hard, the nail, the screwdriver. Tonight, you see the nail and screwdriver and you get angry all over again. So, you turn away again. Tomorrow you tell your friend, who is no better-informed regarding DIY than you, and even though you are at work now, you are angry all over again. So, eventually you are stressed out because this nail screwdriver thing is not working, and you start taking your frustration out on other people. In the end all this will lead to depression. And now, you do not even try to figure out how to get that nail into the wall.
I know this is a very unlikely scenario, blown out of proportion, but this is very nearly how we handle our lives.
We set goals and we want to achieve the new goals with the same “old tools” we used 10 years ago. We keep listening to our limiting beliefs. We keep telling ourselves that we are not good enough, that this will never work for me, that I do not have enough skills, etc. Same old belief tools that we used years ago. Some of these beliefs we formed when we were 5, 10 or 25. But, we still believe them, and we live them.
Until you stop and see that a screwdriver is never going to get a nail into the wall, you will keep repeating the same “mistakes and failures” that you have had the past 10 years. You believe those limitations and you live and act by those limitations. Now your past is becoming your future and you are caught in the spiral of self-destruction, blaming everything and everyone out there.
Instead of giving up on your dreams and goals for this year, follow the steps below and see what a difference they make in your life.
1. What is the limitation you place on yourself? What is the story you tell yourself about yourself and why you cannot achieve the goals? Behind every limiting belief (a fear) is an emotion – you can feel the doubt, fear, insecurity. You feel it in your gut, and it is not nice. We turn away from the emotion and rather “handle” it from a distance, by reliving it over and over while we do nothing to change it or stop it. You are supposed to stop and know why the emotion kicked in so you can deal with the limiting belief that triggered that emotion. You do not need other people to tell you, you are not good enough. You are doing a great job of it here and now, all by yourself. Check in on your self-talk. What are you telling yourself? Be sure you are aware of the limitations you put on yourself.
2. What will it take from you to achieve your goal? We often set out, with the greatest intention, to achieve a goal, but have you stopped for a moment to realise what it will take from you to achieve the goal? Say you want to start a new business, but you also have a young family. Are you ready for the hours away from your family? Is your partner/spouse on board with this? Are you prepared to forego on eating out for a while till you establish the business? Will you enroll for various courses and ask for help to achieve this goal? There is no law on this earth that states that you must do something on your own – asking for help is not a failure. The right help and guidance will give you so much more power and self-belief than you can ever imagine. Be sure you know what is involved in you obtaining this goal.
3. Never mind what “they say”. We each have our own dreams and desires. We are all here for our own purpose. No matter how well intended the dooming advise is, remember it comes from the perspective of that person. Every person lives their lives by their own limiting beliefs. Each person has their own set of fears and doubts. We all have our own “level of failure”. This is your mission. This is your purpose. This is your heart calling and this is you getting excited about following your dream. If some of the “huge” figures in our society listened to the limiting advise they received, they would not have achieved their success. There is a huge difference between informed advice and someone else’s limiting beliefs.
4. Keep your focus. From the get-go I want to say – do not follow a goal if you are not passionate about it. Just do not bother. Times will get tough. You will have delays and rejections. You will fail and you will succeed. It is about keeping your focus on the outcome and keep going. Your failures will bring you lessons – no "failure" is a failure. IT IS A LESSON. How do you apply your failure to your future – what was the lesson. And some days you will have to go and spoil yourself with a cup of coffee, or an afternoon of golf, or a spa treatment, but tomorrow you get back on that horse and you steer it in the direction you want it to go.
5. Have fun and have gratitude. When I look back at some of my “failures” in life I have to say thank you. My greatest lessons came from those failures. And those lessons I have applied so many times and they saved my skin so many times, I cannot even count them. And then do laugh at some of them. Some of my “failures” have been in technicolor and so what? I own them – there is not many people who could have made such a mess of things as I have done. Thank you, I carry that honour proudly – one in a billion. You know, you loose some and you win some. No road is straight, and no beautiful landscape is completely flat – there is always a hill, a boulder or a hole. Go with the flow, enjoy the ride, admire the landscape and have fun.
Try something different this year with your goals. Approach them from a place of personal power. Ask for hep and advise.
Invest in yourself – you are worth it.
Setting goals is a guarantee to be tested. It is about whether you are committed enough to your goal or not – not the failure or test. You are a powerhouse and you can materialize you goal.
If you are looking for answers, find yourself searching for direction and want to settle your inner conflict then send Sue a mail today: https://www.sueleppan.co.za/contact
Transformation Life Coach
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