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Fearing Change : Why? 4 Reasons why we stump our own growth.

Ever felt that nothing is going right? People are frustrating you. Every slow driver on the road, will pull in, in front of you. You are irritable and no one seems to understand what you are saying.

Inside, you are fighting a war with yourself. You wake up tired and stressed. You are anxious and you contemplate seeing the doctor and starting on a course of anti-depressants. You wish something would give and things would change.

But, please, change on my terms. I cannot afford the time now to do anything to start the changes. I am too old for this, I have worked hard and now should be enjoying a peaceful life. What if I change now? What will the effect be on my life, my family’s lives, our income? I cannot deal with this now.

There is no golden hour for when these forces of change will come along.

All I know is that it will come. Many of us started a career, got married, had children and settled down into a family routine. And now, I feel lost and I have no idea where to from here, except that I am no longer fulfilled. Some started out not sure what to do in life and we are still searching, feeling the urge to start settling down and getting direction.

No matter your age, no matter what you have or have not achieved, there comes a time when we want direction. When what we have is just not enough.

The moment that happens, we ignite an inner war. The mere thought of changing our “secure world” brings on stress and anxiety. We have so many responsibilities and people depending on us. How can I be so self-centered to think that I want all these changes? I wanted what I have, and now I am not happy? This is what everyone wants, how can I risk it all? How can I be so ungrateful?

Change does not have to be a battle ground. But why do we end up in turmoil?

1. Comfort Zone. We are so comfortable in our discomfort, that we fear to change. Immediately we see ourselves losing everything, our income, our family, our home, everything. We know exactly what we have, and we are not so sure about where we are going to. We imagine the worst scenarios and we instantly decide that this is not going to work. No matter how uncomfortable it is, I know what I have. Ever heard of the frog and the hot water? If you drop a frog in hot water, it will try everything to get out. But if you drop a frog in cold water and you slowly raise the temperature, the frog will do nothing and stay in the boiling water. Does that sound like you?

2. We become addicted. What? Yes. What are emotions? They are chemicals that are released into our body, so that we can feel the emotion. Simply by thinking about an event we instruct our brain to release the chemicals. Even though we are not experiencing that event at that moment. Our body becomes comfortable to live in that state. What is that when you become comfortable with the experience of chemically induced experiences? Sounds very much like addiction to me. We live lives where we live in constant fight or flight mode. We never switch off – that is called stress and anxiety. Prolonged periods of this will lead to depression. Loss of sleep, waking up tired and then start the same day over again. We have fallen into a routine. We have set a habit of worrying. We become addicted to that state of being.

3. Insecurity. I cannot do that. I am not good enough. I am old in a world where the young take over. I am too young and I do not have the experience. I do not deserve it. We tell ourselves all these stories all the time. But when we speak up, we blame everyone and everything out there why we cannot make the change. Who’s voice is telling you that you cannot? Maybe someone did make a remark along the way, but remember, they are giving “advise” from their frame of reference. From the experiences they have had and from the stories they tell themselves about themselves. People drop their fears on us, not even speaking about jealousy. If you were your best friend, your child, your sibling, what advise would you give yourself? Would you still tell them they can’t?

4. Fear. Fear is not a natural response as we grow up. Babies do not have a fear of learning to sit and walk. They see their parents and everyone else walks and sits, and they just know that that is what they are supposed to do. And they never give up. NEVER. We fear being judged, being a failure, that it is not what we want. What is a failure to you, is not to me and the opposite is also true. Therefor, the fear you have, has only been created in your frame of reference. We cannot live our lives by what other people will say. We cannot live our lives in fear. We are each here to experience life. Only by following the call inside you, do you follow your dream and your purpose here. That desire that never gets answered will never die. Neither will the fear, so you continue living in the fear. What are you going to do?

There is no reason to make drastic changes. There is no reason to destroy what you have in the search of finding your answers.

You do however owe yourself the right to investigate, ask for help and look at options to answer the call within you. You owe yourself the luxury to hear what that inner battle is and to find the best route out of the battle.

You owe yourself that, because nobody else owes you anything.

The decision is how uncomfortable is your current situation?

If you do not answer the call, where will you end up?

If you do answer the call and you start making the changes, no matter what they are, where will you end up?

What will your life look like?

What do you want from life now, and do you achieve that?

What are you going to do about it?

Sue Leppan

Transformation Life Coach

NLP Practitioner

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