People get rejected on a daily basis. You personally have been rejected many times. Someone you were interested in did not accept an invitation, days and weeks go by with no response on social media, you are not invited to lunch with all the other moms. There are many different forms of rejection, but none hurt as much as the feeling of rejection after years of marriage, or a long standing romantic relationship.
It can you knock you off your feet and see all your insecurities knocking at the door like the reaper himself. It feels like this is the end of your life, especially on a romantic level, and you only see an empty, black future ahead of you. Apart from the fact that you most likely stumble around with red eyes, an empty expression after many nights of no sleep, you feel as though everyone can see that you were rejected. As though it is a name board around your neck.
But this is not the end of you yet – the reaper did not really knock. There are ways to deal and stand up from your rejection.
So, how do you pick yourself up and move forward with dignity?
1. Accept that things happen.
For what ever reason your partner decided that they no longer want to be in this relationship, the quicker you can accept and come to terms with the fact that things happen, the better for you. We all change and we all grow at different rates. If there were any cracks or shortcomings in your relationship, chances are that you will grow past each other and then more often than not, what people desire and want, also change. And then sometimes, there are just douchebags.
2. Acknowledge your emotions.
Recognize, identify and acknowledge your emotions. Feel them, experience them, look at them and know where they come from. It hurts to lose your love partner. This is one of the most intense feelings of loss you might ever experience, but, feel it now so you can move on from it. Chances are that many of the other emotions you feel, are insecurities and fears you have around the break-up. Not so much the person, but what happens from here forward. Take the time to recognize what is what. You will be much better equipped for the future.
3. Tough, not nice and maybe a bit sadistic, but acknowledge your part in this.
This does not mean you have to take responsibility for everything and blame yourself for the break-up. (Unless you acted like a fool and really did do something stupid.) If you are not going to acknowledge your part in the break-up, you cannot deal with it. And chances are, next time around you are going to make the same mistake. Even if it means that you realize that you also let the romance slip, face it and own it. It takes true guts to look it in the face and say “Yes, I did that”.
4. Be kind to yourself.
This is not a time to tell yourself you are un-loveable, you are a failure, you are just not good enough. Breathe in deep, do it ten times if you have to, but breathe in deep. Pick yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers in your mind and have kind thoughts. You are not going to achieve anything by beating yourself up. Yes, you are heartbroken, yes you are physically hurting, why would you want to keep scratching the wound open? It is what it is.
5. Rejection does not define you.
This is this relationship, it does not mean you suck at all relationships. This happened with this person, it does not mean it is going to happen with each and every person you know. This does not reflect who you are. There is so much more to you than what you think right now. Spend some time with friends who will remind you of that, will remind you that you are perfect just as you are. You are good enough.
6. Learn from Rejection.
As difficult as this may sound and as hard as it might be, learn from this process. Do not throw the lesson out with the hurt. The very sad and hard reality is that we only learn from difficult situations, we really learn nothing when everything goes well. It is as though life says, “hey stop for a little moment, I quickly want you to learn something and grow”. Learn the lesson so you do not have to learn it later. Really learn. Know what not to do and what to do next time. This does not mean you have to become someone’s doormat in the future. This is a lesson in your power.
We live in a period where around 50% of marriages do not make it to, “till death do us part”. And that is sad but fine – rejection is not the final word yet.