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Blog: Self-Love, Love grows Love – Claim your share.

Updated: Jul 3, 2018


Most of us have grown up in a world where “self-love” has been frowned upon. Where the mere thought that you might love yourself, is viewed as conceited. We were labelled as self-centered and selfish. Big headed.

Yes, yes, yes, there is the flip side to this and some people are very egotistical. Everything evolves around them and their needs. The sad truth is that most of these people have never grown up, they remain the new born baby with basic needs they want met. Now, they have only taken those needs into the adult world and they are still shouting like a baby to get attention - because that is their "default setting". But, they are dealing with their own demons, their own way in coping with what is going inside of them. And there might just be the possibility, that they need your love more than they realise.

But, there is a huge difference between self-love and being obsessed with yourself.

Self-love is not being more important than anyone else. It means exactly the opposite. When you love a parent, a child, a spouse and there is unconditional love, you accept that person just as they are. You do not try to change them, make them “better” so society can accept them. You do not let them destroy themselves. And with all their “faults and short-comings” you still love them, and you fight for them. That is love. Why do you not accept yourself?

The reality is, that only when you know what it is to love yourself, to experience and feel love, to know the respect that comes with that love, will you be able to bestow that same love on someone else. And someone else being the world at large.

With self-love comes respect.

You will not allow people to mistreat you. You will not allow yourself to be used to the benefit of other. When you love yourself unconditionally, you will not compromise yourself to get “love and respect” from other people.

If you know true self-love, you will not allow yourself to be owned by material possessions and the views of other.

That bigger car, the bigger house, the big label clothes – none of that is what defines you. What is in fashion today, is gone tomorrow. If you define yourself by material goods, you will never be secure. You will always look out for the latest trend, the latest model on the market. You will be in a continuous search of the true you. You will push your true-self deeper and deeper, just so to please other.

If you love yourself, you will not constantly be searching to be part of the group.

Inner peace and contentment will create a safe place from within to be your true-self. If a person or a group does not support you in your beliefs and values, then they are not the right group for you. You never need to feel that you have to be something or someone to belong. You are good enough, just as you are.

I often say to people to be kind to themselves.

And what strikes me every single time is the tears in their eyes when I say it to them. My heart cries out for these people. Imagine living in a place where the thought of being kind to yourself can bring on sadness.

Once you have experienced hurt and rejection, it is very difficult to tell yourself that it is actually fine for you to be you. Being bullied and abused can make you feel as though you are unlovable and worthless. But being bullied and abused says so much more about the other person. It really shows how little that person values themselves. It shows a total lack of self-respect – I will, and cannot, get myself to a point where I will abuse another person for my own gain. You are worth being loved. Never, never forget that.

Why do I keep on saying, only when you love yourself can you love other people?

We can only do and apply what we know.

Showing love to other people, our dear ones, does not mean that we feel what it feels like to be truly loved. To receive unconditional love. Only when you know how to bake a cake can you show other people.

Our actions speak volumes about how we feel about ourselves and how we view ourselves. It comes from your “frame of reference”. What goes on in the inside of us, we reflect out to the world. That is our frame of reference.

People will still treat you badly, because that behavior comes from within them. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. You cannot dictate the behavior of other people, but you very definitely, have control over your behavior. And your behavior should be, to give kindness to yourself.

Walking away does not mean they won. Walking away means that you do not expose yourself to such behavior, as you will not extend the same kind of behavior. Walking away, says very loud and clear : I do not approve. Walking away leaves the abuse with that person. Walking away, makes you free.

And once you know the true emotion of self-love, only then can you recognize the need for it in other people. That very same love you feel for yourself, they will feel for themselves. Or should. And that is good.

Sadly, if the other person never finds their own self-love, that is where they are going to stay and live. Only I can give myself self-love. Only I can develop that love. Only I can give myself self-worth. Only I can give and claim my self-respect. Only I.

The gift of understanding self-love is that you will be able to give love to the world. Love and respect.

Love grows love. Why will you not include yourself?

Sue Leppan

Transformation Life Coach

NLP Practitioner

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