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Are you Being or are you Doing?

So many people say: I will be happy once I have ABC. And then there is the old wise man saying: Don’t wait to be happy, be happy now and you will have.

As humans of this beautiful planet, we are so busy doing things to make us happy. We rush to work, to work harder to purchase that new car, the bigger house, the latest TV. We spend our money on the most up-to-date technology, and we work harder and longer to keep our heads above the water. Nothing wrong with having all of that, it is nice to have it. I am definitely not going to tell you to sell everything and go and sit on a mountain top, withdraw from society and meditate.

But if it comes at the cost of you, is it worth it?

In a world driven and where you are measured by your monetary wealth and achievement, we forget to calculate the “cost” against us as human beings. These costs cannot be calculated here and now. The sad reality is that these costs only show later in our lives. They come in the form of broken relationships – marriage, children and friends. They come in the form of missed moments that build memories for our old age, and they come in the form of the cost to our health and how we enjoy life, now and later when we are older. The cost to us, is a delayed expense. And when we have to pay that delayed installment, we conveniently forget how much we withdrew, on credit, from that account.

There is no time more precious to me, than when I do “nothing”.

That time when I do nothing, I spend with my family enjoying easy, throw together meals out on the patio where we discuss all topics – serious and silly. It is a time where I build a bond with them, so they know they can discuss anything with me. It is about taking a whole day off to prepare a celebratory meal for my family and inviting anyone we meet who has no one to share a special meal with. It is about lying on my back on the grass and watching the butterflies, the birds and the clouds in the sky. It is about going out after the summer rain and smelling the air. It is about seeing the smile on my child’s face when they know they are “recognized” by me. That I really see them. That I hear them.

So often, the first contact I have with a client is because they have a huge decision to make regarding their career. They are in turmoil and they do not know where to turn. But, once they sit in front of me, it always comes back to the time they loose with their family. How they do not build bonds and memories, because they are too busy at work. They want to change and have more time available with their families, but on the other hand they have a financial responsibility to their family.

I want to ask you: Are you only the purse to your family?

How and where do you start?

1. Stop carrying the burden alone. If you are part of a family, it is your responsibility to involve them in what is important for the family. By assuming this role, you are making decisions for the whole family. Have you ever asked your children what is more important? Your spouse? The latest phone or a weekend away in nature? Remember, you teach your family how to treat you, what to expect from you. But even more important, you teach your children what life will be like when “they grow up”.

2. How do you define rich? Is rich only about money or is it also about quality of life? You hear so much about balance. There is a rough guide of how we prioritize our lives: a) Work, b) Family, c) Self and d) Friends and Society. Yes, sometimes the one will need more attention than the other three. But once you are out of that period, it is time to return to a balanced state. It is easy to get lost in that time. Stress is a very addictive state, do not fall into the trap.

3. Stop, and smell the roses. Most people complain because they are tired. Imagine living in a constant state of fight or flight? Imagine always being on the lookout for the danger? That is the life you are living now – real or imagined. And remember, unless it is real physical danger, most fear is something created in our heads. We are so buy playing out possible scenarios that we are in constant stress and anxiety. Have you ever experienced how deflated you feel when a situation does not progress the way you imagined? Take time to enjoy your life now, instead of worrying about tomorrow. The Chinese have a saying: If you have a problem and you know how to fix it, why do you worry? You know what you must to do, so do it when the time is right. If you have a problem and you cannot fix it, why do you worry? No amount of worry will solve the problem, except to rob you of your life.

4. Give yourself permission. We are so hard on ourselves and we feel we fail everyone, but mostly ourselves, if we are not the best at what society perceives as best. But, what if your best is being and example for “one other person” on how to be? Will you give yourself the permission to be? Nobody can ever give you that okay, you must to do it. You have to learn that you are good enough, just as you are. With all your dreams, wishes and desires.

Most very successful and rich people will tell you, they are not happy because of their success. They are successful, because they are happy.

It is becoming more important than ever for us to become aware of the cost of always not being good enough, of always living under stress and anxiety and what legacy we leave for our children. Not only yours, but all the children of the world.

Do you know how to be? Do you know the cost of not being?

Maybe it is time you assess your current balance sheet and reconcile and strategise. Maybe it is time to weigh the cost of doing against being.

There is no better time than right now to make the change.

Sue Leppan

Transformation Life Coach

NLP Practitioner

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